Prayer

Dear God,

It's me. I come to you uncensored, unrehearse, unplanned. Just me. Taking another opportunity to pour out my heart to you. Just a few days ago I stood before your children, telling them how they should persevere and like the three Hebrew young men stand for you, stand with you even when times get tough. Then I remember telling them that the devil was going to increase his efforts to pull them away from you. Well, God, it looks like that time has come. I'm tired and I feel like giving up when I think about all the challenges that are ahead of me. You've provided for me in the past but it's just so hard right now to believe that you will do it again. I'm not sure why. I want to spend time studying your word but somehow something "more important" comes up. I know it hurts you when I spend so much time away from you and complain that I don't see you at work in my life. It's ironic. I know. I'm willing to take responsibility for it. If you give me a little extra strength, I may even be able to clean up my mess. But why Lord? Please just clean this mess for me. I get caught between what I want and what I know you'd rather have me do. I see with human eyes and I tend to trust only what I can touch. Teach me to see with my heart and feel with my faith. Help me to just have a glimpse of what it is that you see when you look down on me. I feel the devil bringing dark clouds around me. Lord, I don't want to be depressed. Deep down inside I know that it is in my moments of trial that you are praised. And that it's when I'm weak that I'm truly strong through your Son Jesus Christ. But I'm too weak to claim those promises. Please bestow them on me. Lord, break the shackles that have long held my feet down. As I walk with my head hanging down in shame for having walked so far away from you, please restore my dignity. The dignity that I can only find through you and through the sacrifice that you have made for me.

Lord Jesus I know that you did not die in vain. I also believe that you resurrected on the third day after your enemies - me and the rest of the world - nailed you to the cross. I'm praying that you will make the reality of your sacrifice a reality in my life. Help me live with the conscious realization that you are God and you have braved all the world's struggles so that I should not have to worry about anything except my connection with you.

Lord Jesus, I pray that you will purify my heart. Cleanse me and gear me up for your service. Wherever it is you call me to go, give me the strength, the will, the wisdom, the courage, and the humility to follow. And as I follow your leading, I pray that you will provide for my needs. Lord give me just enough to be content. Please don't give me more than I can handle. Draw me closer and closer to you.

Dear God, I also pray for all those who, like me, may be going through moments of darkness and a sense of separation from you. Please remember those who don't know you and are spending precious hours in the darkness. Reach out in love and touch them. Use me.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

MercyMe - Bring the Rain
Coming Up to Breathe

The Pain of New Beginnings...

I don't know if you saw this entry on my blog but I went through a lot of the same questions you are asking yourself today. Moving is never easy. Especially during the adolescent years. It's like you're always having to start your life over. Every time you get attached to someone emotionally, you have to leave a part of you with them as you move on. Sometimes I've asked myself, which is easier. Being left behind or moving to a different country? There's no straight answer for that. I've come to realize that you don't really start over every time you move. You build on what you experienced previously. Your survival skills improve with every move.

Whether we move from one country to another, one town to the other, or just change the environment we normally interact in, every change comes with its levels of stress. I've come to realize that God has equipped human beings with special abilities to adapt to different and sometimes stressful situations. I've also come to discover that with every move comes a growth a period of growth. In Bruce Wilkinson's book Secrets of the Vine, he uses the Bible to support the idea that God prunes us just like grapevine growers prune their vines. It hurts at first but it leads to growth and bearing of fruits. Our trials and the pains we experience as we separate from those we care about and move into strange new cultures are experiences that, if taken well can lead us into greater fulfillment. There's a purpose, even for the dark moments of life.

When I lived in Sri Lanka. 19 - 20 years old, It was the last country of 4 countries I had moved to in a period of 2 years. And right within that country I spent close to half of my time in the capital city and the other half in a remote town 9 hours drive away. In December that year I moved back to Nairobi, Kenya. So I can relate to what you're saying. And I'm just really happy that you are voicing what is inside and speaking to God. That's the only way that you can come out of dark holes - if you let God know and let your friends know so that they can be there to support you. Another thing. I admire that you set high standards for yourself and that you try to meet your goals as much as possible. But you have to realize that by 20 you can't possibly be (personality, character, spiritual maturation) the final product that God wants you to be. Even then you'll still be exploring the great possibilities that God has for your life. As you move and face different challenges, meet different people, God will shape you into the person that you aught to be. It's a long process and you need to be patient. I was sure at some point in my life that I wanted to be a pastor. But as I grew older and experienced different things. I came to realize that God was calling me to a different ministry - development. I've since been a happier person but even within the vast area of development God is showing me every day the various areas of strengths and weakness that I can exploit to be a better servant for Him and for mankind. There will be days when you will not get answers to your questions. Some questions might remain forever unanswered. But the bottom line is that we serve an all-powerful God and if we trust our lives to his care he will lead us to prosperity and personal fulfillment according to his plans. Jeremiah 29: 11 -13. In Isaiah 43: 1-3 he says that he will carry us through whatever challenges come our way. If you read the verse carefully you'll see that God doesn't take us around our hurdles, he takes us through them. This means there's a purpose for them. I love this verse and the promise that it brings to us. Alright, before I turn into a preacher, here's the blog entry I wanted to share with you:

March 10, 2007

Sayin' Goodbye

Leaving but not letting go and still believing that we’ll meet again. Even though the odds are against us, we wait, we trust, we hope. What tomorrow holds we’ll never know. But with each day comes a glimpse of tomorrow – an opportunity to shape tomorrow. With every separation I leave a part of me. All that remains are thoughts and memories of those we love and cherish. In those thoughts and memories lives a hope. A hope that you’ll meet again. A hope that even though we’re far from each other we can still care. The limitations that come with distance make it almost impossible to wipe out the tears that trickle down your face when times get rough.

Standing at the cross roads we wave goodbye. Heading into a future that reserves surprises beyond our wildest imaginations. Here I stand in that future. But hopefully this isn’t the end. For the course that I charted from the start is nothing compared to where I now stand. What’s next? I think hard and coin beautiful answers. But deep down inside I feel uncertain. I’m afraid. Sometimes I think I’ve stopped to believe. Do we leave because it’s God’s plan or is it simply destiny taking its course. The older I get the more question marks I get. The more I leave the more I feel numbed to this pain that once seemed unbearable. The more I leave the more I learn to love. To love beyond human limitations. To love and to give. To love and to sacrifice for people like me – members a family that was separated from ages past. Relatives of different skin and eye color. Brothers of different cultures. Sisters with brown, green, yellow, blue eyes, a mere reflection of years of pain, all tucked inside. Mothers and fathers that have all their lives struggled to meet their basic needs.

I leave and it hurts. But wherever I go, I meet family. People who like me have been scarred by the reality of sin. People who, like me, have experienced the pain of saying goodbye, often with no hope of ever meeting again. I also meet brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces, mothers and fathers, who have never experienced what it is to be loved or to love. Perhaps that is what You have called me to do. I don’t know for sure. Perhaps I will never know. But I leave and even though it often hurts, I continue to love. To give of myself. “…For it is in giving that we receive and in dying that we’re born to eternal life”

--
Esperant Mulumba

It is near, right at the door...

Spent the whole day today in Nairobi between government ministry offices and picking the lock on my car 'cause I forgot the keys inside and locked it. I felt so stupid with all those people watching me break into my own car in the parking lot. Kept smiling so big so they'd know that I'm not a thief or something. Anyway, you can stop laughing at me now.

I'm 21 years old and I've worked with ADRA at different levels in Africa and in Aisa for about 3 years now. My first volunteer experience with ADRA was in Tanzania. I was 17 years old then. It was fun but challenging at the same time. If you do the math you'll realize that I'm not yet out of college. I studied for a year in Thailand at Mission College. I was studying theology then and I was so sure that God wanted me there. After the end of my first year I was really confused about being a pastor or a Bible teacher. I think my emotions and my reasoning got all mixed up together and I needed to see what God wanted from me. The way I hear/see God's leading in my life is simply by praying about it and trying various things. If something doesn't work out then I take it as God not wanting me to go that way. Alright, let's make the long story short. I ended up working with ADRA in Vietnam, Thailand (both the ADRA Thailand office, and ADRA Asia office), ADRA Sri Lanka, and ADRA Africa after that. Through all those experiences I God helped me to develop skills, abilities, attend training programs, and see/meet people that have had a permanent impact on my life. I've come to see the world as one. God's world. even if Satan has made us think so often that he is in charge, when I look back on the says when I was most discouraged, I see that God was in charge. You see, it's like stretching out your hand and calling out to God. You think in your mind that he doesn't hear you. That he's not reaching out to hold your hand. You curl up and sleep. Your eyes are filled with tears. You think that God isn't there when in reality he's just too big for you. As you wake up the next day. You realize that you spent the night in the palms of the Almighty. In a nutshell that's my experience with ADRA. There are so many stories that I could type until the keys on my laptop all fade away.

When it comes to education right now. I'm thinking would it be better to study business administration where I can learn more about management, administration, and finance since I've already gathered a lot of experience on the development/emergency management aspects of the work I want to go into? I'm praying about it. Probably not as much as I should. I'm sure it'll all make sense some day, as long as I stay in His palms.

About Kenya. Peace and stability have returned. At least that's what it looks like right now. There's still a lot of hatred and bitterness - especially in the hearts of those that were affected. While helping out, I often felt helpless at the overwhelming damage that was caused. Decades of development and psycho-social support will be needed around this country. What makes more sad though is that now that tranquility has returned to the country, many of those who were not directly affected by the conflict have moved on. Politicians are working on how they can best secure their interests. A seat in parliament, a cabinet post, pushing for policies that would favor the political party of their affiliation. Most of us have forgotten that there are still people hurting. People picking up the shattered fragments of thier lives and asking what's next? It's easy to reconstruct a damaged building. It takes a lot more to restore a life. So I pray that God will make me a partner in the restoration process. I would be thrilled to be used by Him. There are forecasts of food shortages and significant price increase for food items in most regions of the country. We are already experiencing some of this, not to mention that fuel prices have also soared up, making production costs for business to go high and snuffling the life out of small businesses. This situation in itself could be/is a security threat for the overall stability of the country. But we hope that things will get better.

There are signs all around us that "...it is near, right at the door". I just wish that I had more strength and determination to get up and do what I know I should be doing to be ready for that time. And before that time, to be the kind of person I need to be to show the world that God is still God. He is in control no matter what circumstances may be.

One life at a time...

I need you...

I need you because you need me. If you need me more, I will need you more. Your presence makes me complete. Without you, a part of me would be missing. It's kinda like the yin and the yan. We were created to need each other. We have a common destiny - Salvation. We invest in rewarding relationships. And when those relationships fail or end. We rejoice in the moments of joy that we shared - the memories we have created. So you ask, "Do I trust?". Yes, you trust.

Esperant Mulumba

"When two elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers"

"When two elephants fight, it's the grass that suffers"__ Ivorian saying.

ADRA Kenya has been directly involved in supporting families and individuals affected by the post-election clashes in Kenya. The support offered includes food items and non-food items such as clothing, blankets, and charcoal for heating and cooking. This emergency response program is being implemented in coordination with a number of NGO's. These agencies have brought their resources together in order to meet the needs of those that were most affected by the unrest in Kenya.

I was privileged to serve with ADRA Kenya. Our target community, the largest slum in the region, Kibera. This area of Nairobi was one of the hardest hit areas as protesters fought along ethnic lines and later had to fight or flee from the police in what turned out to be a bloody mess. ADRA, with the help of its partners has been able to conduct of number of food distribution exercises. Feeding an estimated total of 6,000 people so far. Distribution activities are still in progress as humanitarian agencies look at the long term development needs of the area.

Kibera, for many reasons, has been forgotten and it makes me sad to think that it took a national crisis for the humanitarian and international world to take a serious look at the needs of the people in Kibera. Though there have been efforts to improve the lives of those living in the Kibera slums, the area had not received as much attention as it did over the last couple of weeks as post-election violence erupted in various parts of Kenya. Humanitarian agencies are now feeding people that would have been just as hungry during peaceful times. I'm glad that Kibera has received attention and I hope that as humanitarian agencies and government organizations come together there can be a long lasting solution for those that live in some of the poorest conditions in the world.

As I worked on the emergency response team of ADRA Kenya, I constantly reminded myslef that we were serving people. Human beings like us. People with needs and wants. There came days when my patience was tried and there were days when giving up seemed like a great option. But through it all God gave us the strength to serve without expecting anything in return and provided for our security as we worked in volatile situations. As you look the pictures in this blog entry, don't let your heart be numbed by the numbers affected, think of each figure as a person, a family, a human life in need of love, care, shelter, food, support...people simply needing a hand to pull them out of their poverty.

The Gospel in Work Boots

ADRA Responds

Post Election Situation - Kenya

Hey guys,

We're doing great! Alive and kicking. Well, the country isn't alive and kicking unfortunately. Looks like the situation is worsening with time. We're still hoping for the best. Raila Odinga is to meet his supporters on the 3rd of January. We're not sure what will come out of that meetings. Speculations are that there will be confrontations between civilian protesters and armed forces. This conflict is showing more and more of its ethnic face. Kikuyu nationals have been killed across the country. A number of women have been raped in different locations around the country. The death toll is said to be well over 200 deaths by now. The Red Cross says that "a humanitarian crisis is unfolding around the country". What does this mean for us? We are blessed to be living outside the city so safety has not been an issue so far. There is food shortages and fuel shortages all around the country. We've got enough food to live on for a while. There's veggie gardens around and enough here that I don't think food will be a problem. This has had an impact on the rest of the region. In Uganda for instance, fuel shortages have brought activities to a halt. Airplanes are grounded with no supplies of fuel to continue their journeys. This is due to the fact that Uganda imports its fuel through Kenya. Water and electricity are lacking in parts of the country but we don't anticipate that we'll have that problem here. Our power supply base is just a few hundred meters from here and our generator and wells should be sufficient to provide what we need should things get worse. I'm not worried about that though. Tomorrow morning we will have a meeting to discuss security measures to be taken over this period. We are considering a possible evacuation before things get worse. The US Embassy tells us however, that the situation will get better and that we should not worry about possible evacuation. Not trying to be a pain in the midst of a crisis but these are things that should have been taken care of long time ago. About a year ago when I talked about the importance of an elaborate and efficient evacuation the "older and more experience" ECD staff thought I was out of my mind. Anyway, better late than never. We'll keep you all updated with the situation as it unfolds here. We're still hoping for the best and praying that God will show us us what is best to do and keep us safe under his wings as he has always done. I also hope that he can give you all peace and tranquility as you observe from outside Kenya.

Thank you for your prayers and support.
--
Esperant Mulumba

(the sign at the top says "no Raila, no peace" source: aljazeera.net/english)